FAST & LOOSE 001: Roger That!
Next long-read is coming soon, but in the meantime I'm introducing FAST & LOOSE: a semi-weekly series of quick takes, mini reviews, and thoughts on one life lesson.
Dear friends,
Damn, it’s been a while since I wrote the first newsletter. I said I wasn’t necessarily going to write them regularly, but I’ll admit that I didn’t think it’d be quite this long before the second one. I wrote the nearly 5,000-word essay on Led Zeppelin and the Curse of Human Imperfection during a brief (and at that time, rare) window of time when I didn’t have any schoolwork or other major projects to do, and then promptly got swept up in finals and various paid writing jobs for that took priority.
In April, I then celebrated the completion of my psychology post-bacc by taking some time off for my first real travel in years: a nearly monthlong adventure to Boston, New York, and all over the West Coast and Southwest as a roadie for some of my oldest BFFs in the absurdly talented San Francisco goth-rock band TREASVRE.
I’ll be sharing more about all of that soon, but if you read the first newsletter, then you know just how badly I needed a wild adventure — and why I’m making it a priority to have more fun this year in general. This period has been unutterably good for my soul and I am beyond grateful.
With all of that said, I also know that I am happiest when I’m regularly writing and sharing my thoughts with you. The problem I kept running into recently, however, is that I felt like I set a standard with the first one (in length and quality alike) that I couldn’t measure up to when I was so chaotically busy. And naturally, the more pressure I put on myself, the more elusive my focus and inspiration became.
Once I finally had some quiet time without school or travel, I was hit with a very obvious realization:
Not everything you have to say requires a 5,000-word narrative essay, Cat, you colossal fucking dork.
Forest, trees, hey, hey, what can I do, etc.
So, with my newfound freedom from my own brain (and quite a bit more free time on my hands), I would like to reintroduce you to the newsletter: this time with the first installment of what I’m calling FAST & LOOSE, a semi-weekly series (named for one of my all-time favorite Motörhead songs), which I’ll be sending in addition to the longer pieces that take more of my time.
Each installment of FAST & LOOSE will contain a short letter from me, a handful of random updates and observations, some mini reviews/recommendations, and a brief rundown of one life lesson I’ve learned — either from life in general or a specific person who imparted it to me. (This week’s life lesson comes from Jon Weisnewski of Sandrider, talking everyone’s most fearsome foe: impostor syndrome!)
I can’t thank you enough for being here. I’ll be sending along another proper long-read soon, and hopefully many more to follow now that I’ve kicked my ass back into gear. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy a few of the fast and loose thoughts that live in the chaotic clown car of my mind.
With love,
Cat
Quick updates, observations, etc.
Obviously a lot has happened in the past few months – the past month, even – and I’d need 10 whole newsletters to tell that tale properly. But here are some highlights:
I finished school (for now, anyway) as I mentioned above – and thank god I did because I was burnt out. It was worth every bit of hard work, though.
I bleached and chopped off my hair for the first time in ~15 years, and I feel like a walking disco ball. I am also noticing that people (of all genders, but especially men) are much friendlier to me when I’m out and about now that I’m blonde — which I find both personally refreshing and socioculturally infuriating.
Last week I went to Chico, California of all places to see my dear friend Amigo The Devil on tour supporting Clutch. After his set, we grabbed some drinks and watched Clutch from the side-stage. During the song “X-Ray Visions”, Neil Fallon looked over and caught us dancing like idiots, to which he responded by nodding in amusement and saluting us with his water bottle. In a minuscule, two-second moment, he made me feel like a screaming teenage fan all over again, reminding me once again that rock ‘n’ roll is magic. Also: Clutch rules. A masterclass in rocking — then, now, and forever.
A month ago, I got a big ol’ tattoo of a Nazgûl steed on my arm, permanently (and publicly) solidifying my status as a gigantic fucking nerd. Luckily I’m also jacked as hell from lifting a ton of weights recently, so I’d like to see you try to give me a swirly.
I haven’t decided if I want to devote a whole, separate newsletter to this or not yet, but last week Frank Kozik, the iconic visual artist and former head of the ‘90s San Francisco label Man’s Ruin Records, passed away unexpectedly at 61. Kozik was not only my favorite artist, but Man’s Ruin — and the bands on its roster — absolutely changed the course of my life when I was a teen. I will be forever grateful to him, and I’m glad I have a both a modest collection of his artwork and a decade-old tattoo of the Man’s Ruin cat logo on my arm to keep me thinking about him every day. Not that I’ll ever need the reminder.
LIFE LESSON: GIVE YOUR IMPOSTOR SYNDROME A NAME
Great advice for kicking your cruel, inner critic’s ass, from Sandrider’s Jon Weisnewski
Last week, I had a call with Jon Weisnewski, bassist/vocalist of Seattle’s heavy, extraordinarily fun rock outfit Sandrider, to chat about a project we’re working on. Obviously I respect him immensely as an artist, but I also genuinely enjoy talking to him because he’s very passionate about his art and beliefs while simultaneously being a humble, kind, all-around solid dude.
That day, he happened to bring up the concept of “impostor syndrome": the sadistic inner critic that loves to bust in right in the middle of a creative project and tell you that you’re not good enough and should just quit. He was telling me about a few of the frustrating ways impostor syndrome has affected his creative output over the years, especially when working on projects by himself as opposed to collaborating with bandmates.
I told him that I relate a lot to that as a writer: I’ll often sit down and write five pages before a voice kicks in and tells me it’s all garbage — sometimes convincing me to scrap the entire idea altogether. And the craziest thing about impostor syndrome is that it generally speaks to you in a far crueler manner than you or anyone you know would ever dream of speaking to a person. While most people (people worth your time, anyway) might give you constructive feedback or suggestions, impostor syndrome creeps in and says the worst things your brain can come up with. It full-on laughs at you before whispering something like, “You absolute piece of shit. You’re terrible at this, you know it, and everyone who has ever said you’re talented was lying.”
According to Jon, at one point his impostor syndrome was affecting one of his projects so much that he finally decided to take steps to kick its ass a little. His solution? Give his impostor syndrome a name, and view it as a person who totally sucks. That way, its opinions immediately come off as absurd and pathetic rather than believable and mean.
Here’s what he said:
“Something I tried, which totally worked, is I named my impostor syndrome Roger. And whenever I feel impostor syndrome in my head, I tell Roger to shut the fuck up. I can imagine what Roger looks like: He's a shitty kid on the Internet with bad opinions about stupid music, right? And now I have this fictional character that I can direct all my anti-impostor syndrome feelings towards. Now I can just say, ‘Roger, shut the fuck up. Now.’”
While this method doesn’t always work, he says it definitely helps a lot. And frankly, it’s the best idea I’ve ever heard with regard to combating impostor syndrome. I’m going to give it a shot! If you try it, reply to this newsletter and let me know how it goes.
Anyway, Jon actually wrote a song about Roger for his metal/synth-prog solo project NUCLEAR DUDES. You can listen to the song here, and definitely check out both EPs on Bandcamp.
STUFF THAT MOVED ME RECENTLY
Non-exhaustive, and in no particular order. Complete with links and thoughts:
Former Man’s Ruin Artists Pay Tribute to Frank Kozik by JJ Koczan (THE OBELISK) - As I touched on above, the beloved artist Frank Kozik passed away unexpectedly last week after a lifetime of revolutionary and iconic creative work, both in his own visual art as well as the curation of an entire heavy movement via his label, Man’s Ruin Records. JJ Koczan, the ever-brilliant writer and indefatigable creator of the heavy-rock blog The Obelisk, compiled a list of tributes to Frank written by former Man’s Ruin artists including Brant Bjork (Kyuss), Ben Ward (Orange Goblin), Lori S. (Acid King), and many others. It’s really touching, and made me tear up reading it this morning. As JJ puts it, “Through it all, the spirit of thankfulness is palpable, and I’ll add my thanks to that, because there’s no way I’d be sitting here writing this sentence right now if not for Frank Kozik and Man’s Ruin Records. Heavy music owes him a debt it can never repay.” I couldn’t agree more. And while we’re at it: I’d like to add my thanks to the pile as well, as there’s no way I’d know JJ’s work if not for Frank.
Everblack: A Note On Mental Health & My Friend TREVOR STRNAD by Frank Godla (METAL INJECTION) - Last week marked one year without Trevor Strnad, The Black Dahlia Murder’s humble, razor-sharp, and infectiously fun vocalist. I wish Trevor were still here so this article wouldn’t need to exist, but it is a raw, beautifully written piece on grief and mental health by metal journalist Frank Godla — who knew Trevor not only as a dear friend, but also a coworker, interviewer, and fan of his music. It is a must-read, whether you knew Trevor or his music or not. This quote hit me especially hard: “We like to think of metal as our place of understanding, a place to dump our misery and darker parts of ourselves, but even the biggest heshers live within 4 walls inside the mind. We live in a time folks often shun the sad, and applaud the carefully crafted highlight reels. How often has someone asked you ‘how are you doing?’ and without even thinking, you reply ‘I’m Good, Thanks’ and it not be true?” Seriously, go read it, and then tell your friends you love them. Right now.
“Emotion Sickness” by Queens of the Stone Age - Finally, a new QOTSA single, and an album out next month. Judging by slinky, garage-y sound of this, it’s possible we could have an Era Vulgaris pt. 2 on our hands. Though I long for the days of lead-heavy desert riffs, it’s unrealistic to think they’ll ever return to the sound they had on their first few albums, and I made peace with that nearly two decades ago. The main reason: It would be nearly impossible to recreate that without Nick Oliveri’s diabolical low-end riffs and Mark Lanegan’s gravelly pipes and sultry, sneering delivery — they’re a simply a different band now. But this song gives me faith that we may at least be entering a heavier era than the last two records. And for what it’s worth: While I certainly do not wish any pain on any parties involved, Josh Homme’s bitter, public divorce and current drama surrounding it seems like it might provide fuel some snarlingly good breakup songs, too. If it works out that way, cool — and I’ll look forward to Brody’s as well. Spotify / Apple Music
Death Folk Country by Dorthia Cottrell - This is the new solo album from the wildly enchanting vocalist of Windhand, whose unmistakably beautiful voice fits just as perfectly alongside stacks of amplifiers as it does with minimal acoustic guitar. It was hard for me to imagine her ever topping her 2015 self-titled solo record, which lived on my turntable for months — and particularly the starkly pensive track “Oak Grove” on which she sang, “God is not my problem and my flesh is weak / I’m the kind of girl who needs a devil in a man to satisfy me.” (Also worth mentioning that she very quickly sold out of all t-shirts featuring that lyric.) And while Death Folk Country is still very much Dorthia, it feels fuller, wiser, and somehow even more haunting. Spotify / Apple Music
Surrender to Steely Dan by Jack Hamilton (THE ATLANTIC) - I think this title speaks for itself. A fascinating piece on the staying power of The Dan. Like them or not, this is a very fun read.
My Body by Emily Ratajkowski - I’ve been meaning to read this collection of essays by supermodel Emily Ratajkowski since it was released in 2021, and once I finally cracked it open last month, I finished it in a day. While she’s famous for her body (as the title makes clear), she’s also a ludicrously smart and talented writer. Each chapter skillfully critiques beauty standards, how we learn to feel certain ways about our bodies, taking issue with the commodification of women’s bodies while actively participating in it, the bizarre laws surrounding images and likenesses in the social media era, and much more. I hope she continues telling the world exactly what she thinks. I also hope she keeps making money from being smokin’ hot, posing in post-sex selfies with Eric Andre on Instagram, or whatever the hell else she feels like doing. Good for her.
FRANK KOZIK
1962 - 2023
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